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Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. > Adam K. Chorney > An Open Letter in refute of Dr. Bill Mendelshon… (05-05-03)
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An Open Letter in refute of Dr. Bill Mendelshon…
Intervalist, Adam K. Chorney
05.08.03-Brooklyn, NY

MODERATOR’S NOTE: Only certified intervalists are permitted open letters among other intervalists. Please use our new FORUM as well as our response feature for your welcomed concerns
An open letter to Dr. Bill Mendohlson, submitted to on 5/8/03

Dear Doctor,

You are a fraud, sir. I have read each of your submissions to this otherwise fine bastion of independent thought and criticism, and have come to the conclusion that all of your opinions and observations are nothing more than thinly veiled plagiaries. The sentiments you have expressed are simply retellings of the richly detailed theories and hypotheses I posed to you years ago while you were a young turk under my expert tutelage. It pains me to see what has come of my teachings after having been wrung through your painfully incompetent way of thinking. What originated as carefully crafted original thought has become woefully inarticulate poppycock. And to think, you once had enough promise for me to have taken you on as a student.

I write this as an open letter in order to reach all Tomarken readers who may have come across your work in this space. My aim is to clear up several discrepancies you have presented, as well as to offer an alternate viewpoint on your primary thesis. As such…

With regard to the need to maintain one’s finances whilst in the pursuit of tail:
• Mo’ money, mo’ problems, yo. Cash is wack.

With regard to the need to use caution whilst pursuing a secondary piece of ass:
• If yo first bee-otch cain’t dig, getchoself a different bee-otch. Holla.

With regard to the idea of eventually finding "the one," which seems to be of primary importance to your writings:
• Bitches ain’t nuthin’ but hoes and tricks. True playas find "the two," or better yet, "the three."

I hope that this has cleared up any confusion that you may have caused by misappropriating my teachings. Please know, dear boy, that I harbor no ill will towards you. Rather, I hope that this letter finds you well, and that you will one day discover that I am the only true playa, and you ain’t nuthin’ but a playa hata. Holla.

Adam K. Chornstar
Founder, Chornstar Enterprises
Chairman, The Chornstar Charitable Trusts

PS I haven’t returned your call because I’m scared that you’re mad at me. One love, yo.

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