What’s the deal with dancing these days? Ben Zapp 01.20.03-New York City, NY

I don’t get it, Dancing these days is just whack. It’s all just a bunch of guys and girls having an epillectic fit in front of each other. There is no body contact and when there is its hard core dry f’ying. Either its no touch or go at it like the dogs we are. Why can’t we dance like people did in the 50’s where the girls would wait on the side and guys would come up and ask them to dance. If a girl said yes, you would grab her hand (that’s one physical contact) and lead her out to the dance floor. Then you would grab her around the waste (another physical contact) and then palm her opposite hand in yours (another chance to touch her some more!) So now, you would be rubbing belly’s with this girl, clutching her around the small of her back and your hands touching. The mood was light, music not too fast and heck you might even get to talk to her and know more about her (or make her laugh which in my opinion girl’s love a sense of humor) This is so much better then convincing your buddies you danced with a girl last night (the hot one of course) because that one time while you were dancing behind her, she actually faced you for like a milla second. Score!

Even the dancing was nicer back then. It had a plan, a step a slow graceful rhythm to it. You were the boss and lead the girl to where you wanted to go (if not to the bedroom, hi yo!!) Much better then trying to make baby soup standing in one position with a girl as you grind away severly chaffing mister winky down below (is that just me???)

Another advantage to dancing like we did back in the days was that if you asked a girl to dance you were garruanteed an answer of yes or no. You didn’t have to deal with did she see my eye? Is she actually facing me? Why is she always looking down and over her sholder? Am I that bad looking that she has to pretend she’s a lesbian and dike it out with her friend???? It was Yes, I will dance with you or No, but you’re sweet for asking.

Now, I’m not knocking grinding, I think its a great way to crème in your pants… I mean….get to know a girl more intimately. But like the tortoise and the hare, take it slow and easy like they did in the 1950’s… You might get to show your mr. Baldy sooner then not at all.

-Ben Zapp