To the future in reverse...
"Infertility unlikely to be passed on" - Montgomery Advertiser > Ambivilen > Dude Economics (03-07-05)
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Dude Economics

Daniel P. Beckmann, Moderator of Letters
07/22/04-Bozeman, MT & West End Ave, NYC

II. The downfall of these major us cities

Chicago-The world runs out of middlemen

Mid-town New York City-When the conference table is finally and belatedly deemed obsolete

Seattle-They run out of coffee and eventually slow out of business(about the same time the a corrupt European conglomerate produces new and better software that costs less and is more pleasurable to use. This will also occur around the shock of the Pearl Jam V. Pearl jam trial in which the band is indited for plagerizing their own music-repeatedly.)

St. Louis—The evil plan of John Ashcroft along with Senators Kit Bond and Jim Talent finally succeeds after years of maintaing the "fill the hillside up with trash" mantra, the New Madrid fault finally gives in and levels the whole place. Unfortunately when they build again, they fail to attract new people the area who, with all that federal disaster money, are capable of rebuilding the town without a slant and they begin the cycle of "filling up the hillside with trash" yet again.

Denver—A new movement led my Adolf Coors is established to ‘rid the world of Big headed assholes with their gel hairstyles and their big cars’ through a ego-cleansing project. The lure will be a "Bannaroo-pa-looza" headlining (who will not be in on the project) Widespread Panic at the Red Rock amphitheatre.

Detroit— We are presently looking for proof that this hasn’t already happened.

Los Angeles-The Dow Corporation runs out of "Silicon Jelly" just as 90210’s Steve Sanders runs his campaign on the "you can want me if you really try" campaign.

Washington DC—When the "big" people, in size and mass, finally realize how much they’re getting screwed by those ‘pencil necked’ poindexters…the army eventually will not stand in their defense.


You know, it’s a good thing that people are living in the squares stacked up on each other in New York City, for those fortunate, self-righteous souls who live in spacious spaces like Bozeman, MT…

I came back from visiting Bozeman to a windowless room to work my overnight job in as a man placed as a cog in a machine. Human labour at this place can be placed in at any single hour, whether it be day or night and it will look the same and feel as stagnant as it probably did in 1984 when the corporate identity was last painted upon this forgotten place.

I often find myself working overnights on the weekends here-that’s my shift. I leave the living around 11:30PM to scoot over here by 12AM. Nothing is said from 3A to 4A here and its so cold and empty feeling after all the delivery places but BIG NICKS in this city that never sleeps are closed-I’m not allowed to leave to take lunch here, and even if I were, honestly, there isn’t really much open in this neighborhood.

I am trained to push the right buttons in order to produce the product. I don’t think about what I’m doing there, I simply perform my tasks unconsciously. I presently need this job in order to survive-yes there are other better jobs that allow one to use their mind, there are also many scarier jobs that are much harsher on one’s body and one’s humanity.

Right now, the job that I’m at, uses technology but there is a restriction as to how far the technology is allowed to go. There are union regulations, people would lose jobs, some are worried about man losing control over the machinery here. In the present structure these are all valid concerns, but to see our present day as technologically advance, is not only shortsighted but wrong. Technology right now, more than ever and in so many ways uses us. We need to start having technology that uses itself so that we can move on to or in some points of view back to the time when life was about being human…although this time, all the chores of being human will be handled by these technological ‘extensions of oneself".

What the "pro-labor liberals" or the "conservative real estate tycoons and salesmens Dr. Bill archetypes" fail to realize is that the development of economies follows as such…1) AGRICULTURE ? 2) INDUSTRIAL FACTORY/AUTOMATED SERVICES ? 3) PROFESSIONAL ? 4) CREATIVE / IDEAS

By this plan, it essentially could take an economy four generations to rise from that of Agricultural to Creative/Ideas when strongly motivated and uninterrupted. Most of the Bozeminans in which I will refer do not lie on the AGRICULTURAL part of the scale, but instead the CREATIVE/IDEAS area.

Look at the continuum and where the robots can operate for us on that plane. By working automation into the various levels, working its way up from Agriculture towards PROFESSIONAL, will free our current population from their remedial tasks. What is frustrating for so many is that this transformation to an economy of CREATIVE IDEAS cannot happen for all overnight. It could take generations, and in fact, it is not likely that there will be a person alive on this planet right now who would survive to see an entire world based upon an economy of ideas.

I wrote a pre tomarkonian "classification" of Montanans towards the end of my stint as a reporter working in Butte (an undeniably rough and tumble place), but while living in a Bozeman (the rancher contrasted with the self-worshiper) fraternity house during the summer of 2000. I would like to focus on the later one because these are a group of people that seem to travel to Bozeman from other places for a particular reason.

The striking thing about Bozeman, is that so many people come out there from other places throughout the world. Its one of the most breath-takingly untouched places on the "civilized planet"-and like so many other special places, it rests on top of a ticking time bomb in the form of a "super volcano"… but whom are those who are lucky enough to take their educations and take up space there whilst the rest of us live stacked in cough-cough?

“The Montana Rancher”
#1.The world moves to fast for me so I speak v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y.
#2.I think it’s 1872 and I do see any reason to change nothin’
#3.I drive 63 in my big ass truck in the left lane on I-90 even though I can go legally up to 75 and everyone knows you can even go 85. And I also don’t pull over for nobody never.
#4.I consider myself to be a personal friend of Congressman Conrad Burns and look forward to his constant radio updates on how he is fightin’ for Montanans just like me against those damned liberal democrats down in Washington.

“The Rootin’ Tootin’” #1. I’m ‘Butte Tough, Butte Stupid’->The cause of %50 of Butte being a shithole, the other %50 is the rich bastards who bastardized the place for profit only to go bankrupt so they were not responsible for the clean-up.
#2. I might be found drinking whiskey and water or Schmidts(12 cans=$3.29) at one of the fine, tetnis shot excluded drinking establishments in greater Butte. For some reason I am able to pay for drinking 24 hours a day, seven days a week, but have no employment prospects to speak of.

“The Ski Dude”
#1. It’s summer. Where the hell is the snow anyway?!?!!
#2. Newsweek….’Is that the magazine that chronicles when I go to the phish concert in Salt Lake City and when Widespread Plays MSU?
#3. It’s 1st tracks or your YESTERDAY’s mountian!
#4. I believe in the genetic theory of economics-My parents value thier own sellfish desires more then they do the $2,000 per month that they send me to stay secluded from them so I am able to spend my life pursuing the ability to slide down the same mountain day after day after day after day, without having to work for my self or produce anythign for society except for my rugged physical appearance and seemingly endless ski and phishhead like slangwords.
#5. Depending upon my economic status(ability to milk either my parents or the Montana welfare system)I drive a mexican style nissan/toyata pick-up truck or a japaneese style sport utility vehicle with a large black banana on top.

“The Tall and Skinny Jewish Kid from the Midwest who drives a Volvo”
#1. Can be found being very critical of those he who finds do not think ‘progressively’, while he chases the American Dream as a reporter in a minuscule(sp?) market.
#2. Can be found on Sudnay nights washing his Volvo at Scrubby’s car wash down on Main Street.
#3. Is recovering from a two week long nickel electronic poker gambling addiction.
#4. The most rarest kind of ‘Classification’ found in ‘Big Sky Country’

“Miner’s Wife”
#1. “I don’t say nothin’ about no nothin’, my face looks funny and by the way I have a big ass”
#2. I secretly can drink the “Rootin’ Tootin” men under ‘this here table!’
#3. If I only showered regularly…just think of the possibilities that good personal hygiene could give me!.

“The ‘Mountain’ Woman”-Compliments the ski dude #1. I eat granola, but have legs as big as tree trunks and an ass that rivals Ford’s new focus.

#2. I might be found behind the counter of one of Bozeman’s more trendier places such as the Pickle Barrel(where there’s no pickle barrel to be found), La Parilla(hey did you know that the owners follow Phish?…any one who has ever gone to a phish concert must know that they should have good food!) or any ski shop…my philosophy is that if the customer is not a ski dude, they must not be part of the ’cause.
#3. I drive a Subaru:
A) If I drive a POS Subaru, I have one baby and have come to Bozeman to escape the oppression of my former male counterpart who I think was the father of my baby, but do not want to have test taken becuase honestly who really knows.
B) If I drive a new style Subaru Outback, I am living off of my parent’s money and have a large black banana on the top of my car that’s from Yakima. Other people exist to look at me and apparently I am in denial of the fact that like the miner’s wives, I too have an extremely large ass and tree trunk legs but that is caused by skiing, I am sure that my ass and legs would be less then kings sized if I wasn’t Sacrificing my body to noble cause of the sliding down mountains)

#4. I am oblivious to things that do not include the 4 ‘m’s: Mountains, Male-models, My parent’s money and of course Myself. Things such as other people, and even sometimes what day it is are things beyond my comprehension.

“Big Hat Woman”
#1. I drive a Suburban like I’m drunk and I am too rich and obsessed with myself to drive at least the speed limit and pull out of the left lane. I have also never worked a day in my life, so I don’t really need to get anywhere, but I make driving my dog to the vet into a very big deal, in my big ass car!

#2. I love to harrass poor checkers that work at the Town and Country market with the concept of my store charge. I like to spend as much time at the checkout counter as possible-because my rich husband has given me the responsibility of food shopping and after I am done with the check out I know that I am essentially worthlss for the rest fo the day.

#3. I think that Montana is cute and I am oblivious to the fact that Montana is the 49th richest state in the country!

Keep in mind that these are the 18 and olders, there are younger forms, but those classifications will have to be table till some later indefinite date.

I’ve somehow gotten bumped off a plane or used miles or simply paid to figure out a way to get back to Bozeman since I was a reporter there in 2000. As you can tell from above, I didn’t necessarily get it whilst I lived there, now its probably one of the only places left I feel comfortable to adjust myself back to regular again.

I was not accepted by the community of the self-flatulating trustafarians, nor the body-as-temple self-preservationists, nor the simple voidists. I also failed to fit in with the large community there of people simply fleeing something or other. But since I’ve come back over the past four years, I’ve had more in common with them… two years ago I even learned how to ski. I’ve come closer each time I think to bridging the gap that once existed between us to the point where at times I’ve considered it possible to even join them.

What has prevented me to this point involves two things: A) my present mental stimulus programme which relies a great deal on considering those other than myself. & B)The Bozeman refugees aren’t often leading lifestyles in which an economist would consider sustainable without the influence of the outside from which they came—Rich people come to Montana with money to support the recreation industries of which many "trustafarians" call home.

And while many of this breed indeed are running or rebelling against the cities they loathe-throwing their ire back in the faces of those who represent from hence they came, they in fact not only need these ba-dass slickers for subsistence, but also for their future as well.

In order for there to be places as spacious as Bozeman, MT, with the amount of population the world currently endures(in spite of Stosselian theory), people must be stacked on top of each other, in some cases on the magnitude of New York City, in other cases purely the sprawled tabletop of Chicago. In either case, if the horrid city folk of which they loathe didn’t see things differently and wish to remain a part of civilization, Bozeman would not exist for these people to frolic around or for asshole’s like me to come and visit and spend money to sustain their better existence of self preservation and pleasure.

Additionally, the technology that is not being fully utilized in the urban centers (and I am not speaking purely of technology that is not directed towards recreation,) has a direct affect on the sustainability of this Bozemanian lifestyle. IF our economy were ready to endure the dramatic shift towards a total realization of technology and the re-education of our people mass, then Bozemanians would no longer have to long for the days when things were simpler and people could sit around and practice their trades. Their livings of flinging yourself down a mountain, riding on a piece of rubber down a river with fear of drowning, as well as towing things with your Subaru are all futuristic idea economies and will all have much more value in an economy where the horrible tasks of manufacturing and repetitive tasking were reassigned to the brainless matter that are our machines.

All external pressures to the Bozeman ideas economy of the future either perceived or not perceived ironically will become more diminished by the encouragement of your urban brethren to not think back, but think forwards.

Through the realized use of technology we all could again realize what it is to be like those Bozeman r’ busters. In the meantime, when this shift ends at 8 AM, the sun will be left, and not a living soul that I left at the open place the night before will be awake anymore from that place. My eyes hurt when I go outside… and I have to again figure out how to adjust for my next turn at the crank starting tomorrow at 8 AM.


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