Boyairrisms
03.06.02-Religious Outcry

When I was growing up, I was forced to attend a ‘Community Religious School’ two nights a week from age 10 to 13. This ‘Community Religious School’ was intended for those students whose parent’s decided to send their kids to public and not parochial schools for varying reasons. I guess that there was some concern that Public school kids would be at some sort of religious disadvantage if they did not receive some additional education-although it was always known that the day school kids were viewed in a much better light than us nightschoolers.

Regardless, every Tuesday and Wednesday we went-all of the kids came together from all of the public schools in the area and most of us not only didn’t get along but we hated each other which made the whole thing even worse-one kid even actually popped my Nike® Air Jordan’s for me.

One day all of the boys were called out of class to the chapel for a special meeting. Boy, that was strange…Special meeting? Just da’ boyz?…what the hell could this be about?

We all gathered around and we had about 5 minutes of sitting there and making up reasons for the meeting..oh, well it must be because Nate farted and he smells like shit!..maybe it’s because the girls are stupid and they need more time alone…

Aaaa…please be quiet, please settle down…I have a serious issue to discuss with all of you..please be queit…

A male administrative type person came into the room-we only saw this guy on ceremonious occasions, I don’t really recall his name.

Boys, I have a serious issue to discuss with you. It involves the urinals on the 2nd floor…you know the ones that you guys use…Well, I spoke with the janitor and you see he says that everyday after you guys leave-we checked during the day and its not the day pupils, no it is definitely you guys…apparently after your guys leave, there are some serious puddles of well…urine underneath the urinals in the 2nd floor boys room…and he seems to think that if there continues to be puddles of urine on the floor beneath the toilets, that the floor might actually cave in to the 1st floor. That would be a disaster you see and we most certainly do not want that. Do you guys want that?

The audience groaned…no…

Well than good…I expect you guys, on your honor to take care of this issue. That way we won’t have to come up with some other way of solving this problem. You see, we don’t want the floor to come crashing down…do you?

The audience groaned…no sir…that would be a tragedy.

Ok…now that’s settled. I am sure you guys are anxious to get back to class, so go back to it!…oh and thanks, I’m glad we had this little talk.

So the next week came and it was time again for our honorable bathroom break that came half way through the 2.5 hours that we would spend there. I went to the bathroom and low and behold->hallaluyah!!–the puddles were there. But this time they were larger and this time I made my contribution be known…
—————
C.S.V. Boyairee was born in French Canadian Block of Detroit City in 1925. His father worked as a middle-manager at Ford’s industrious and over powering River Rouge plant…he never knew his mother really well, although he visited her several times where she lived in Grosse Pointe Woods-all he knew about her profession is that she provided ’services’ there and she apparently did quite well.